I am one of those who remain immersed in their thoughts all day. People around me would wonder and always catch me goad me to tell them what I was upto! They would always be curious to know what I was thinking. I didn’t have enough words to explain to them about what was in my mind in those moments? I would often stay up at night wondering and as a result I would have headache the next day. As I grew up, I didn’t know that a simple mobile phone could revolutionize my life like that. I had a chance to write and to express whatever I saw and understood in the world around me. I started writing poems; about nature and life in general until I fell in love! And since then, love and disability have become the two main themes of my poems and my life.
Love is nothing but a deep pit of life,
You can fall but you can’t find the way out…
Falling in love was special and my poems were so full of it. Poems and the words in it have a magical way of expressing hidden emotions, which even you would not know exist within you? Poetry helped me to express such emotions which I wasn’t able to relay to anyone in person.
My poems are straight from the heart and thus love blossoms often in them. Whenever I have developed a crush on someone, my poems are the first one to give my feelings away.
As someone with cerebral palsy, I have already been labelled ‘unable (read disabled)’ by the society. For them, love and disability can’t go hand in hand as differently-abled people aren’t supposed to experience same feelings and emotions! What rubbish?
Writing comes to me naturally and when I am in love my crush becomes my muse, the centerpiece of my work. But mind you, writing such love ballads is not easy at all. It is intense and arduous labor as it entails imagining the person, his actions, his responses and his emotions. Poetry without emotions is like an automobile without an engine.
He touched my hands… it felt cold as ice,
He held them for some time… and the feeling was nice.
As a differently-abled woman, I have the same feeling as others when it comes to love – the emotional state of it and the physical aspect as well. Unfortunately, the Indian society and its preconceived thinking doesn’t seem to get it at all. Everyone around me seems confused and doesn’t understand why a disabled girl writes about love. Multiple questions swirl in their mind about it at all times. Can she feel the same love as we do? Can she experience the same emotions as normal people? Why does she write so much on love when she can’t even feel it?
Such disoriented notions do not tend to affect me much now. I don’t really care as to what people think about my poems and my disability. Whether they think it’s a result of a broken heart or it is me pining for someone, the fact is that I savour the feeling of being in love for the sake of art and creativity.
I have often heard that women with disabilities should not fall in love because she could be fooled easily and then be left to fend for herself. I think this can happen with anyone, then why should we target women with disabilities only? This statement comes from a regressive mindset of people bumbling around us.
Love is a beautiful feeling and it doesn’t restrict or discriminate with anyone. As a woman with disability, I have been in love, as others have done too. The longing feeling for him is still there in my heart every time I hear soft music and whenever I miss him in my weak moments. My savior in those moments is my words, my poetry…
I promised that I will still love you with a broken heart,
I didn’t know some broken pieces would become unfaithful to you,
I feel that a person will come into my life and shower on me all the love that has only been given away by me.